Happy Birthday!

Happy birthday to me ... yes, today is my birthday!  I wanted to announce it because although I'm 51, I think every year is another year to celebrate!  Bring it on ... about 4 years ago I had this life changing surgery.  They found a tumor in the back of my throat ... had been growing for a long time, just filling the empty space.  I had to have surgery that included cutting my jaw open, and swinging it out so they could get to the tumor and get it out whole.  You can imagine my stitches ... straight through my jaw, down my lip, across the underside of my chin, and staples up the side of my neck.  I had to stay in the hospital for 11 days with 10 days of having a trach tube so I could breathe (I hated that worse than anything).  It took me several days before I could look in the mirror.  I was sure I would see a monster looking back at me.  The surgeon did a great job ...

This was me on last year's birthday.  When you're looking at me straight on, the scar starts in the middle of my lip goes right underneath the lip and down to the right.  I looked so tired last year in this picture ... but it shows my scar well. 

After my surgery I had to have radiation.  If there was one cell left, the tumor could grow back.  After the surgery the doctor (one week post-op), said if the tumor grew back there was no other way to get it but surgery.  They wouldn't want to operate again because the area would be so weakened.  I came out of this with just a scar ... what could have happened was, paralysis of the face if they had to cut through a nerve, and a variety of other more horrible things.  When I went under before the surgery, I was prepared for the worst.  The radiation was pretty much more horrible than the surgery.  It burned my throat and tongue and I couldn't eat very much.  I lost about 20 pounds (that part was okay with me!) ... it hurt so much to eat, but I did because I was in fear of having a feeding tube.

So here's the part where I am happy to celebrate any birthday I have!  The 10 pounds I want to lose to get back into the size 6 pants that I was in after my surgery (well, I'm still in the size 6, but not very comfortably!), the wrinkles I see and muscle loss as I get older.  That workout at the gym just doesn't go as far as it used to, the aches and pains, etc., etc.  All these little things are okay by me (even though I gripe, oh yes I do!) ... it means I am here.  I get to spend all this time with my kids, to see them grow, and it means I get to continue to be a wife to my husband.  I try not to forget where I could be right now ... every year when I go and have my annual MRI, I always freak a litle.  But the last one my surgeon, who is very cautious, said he thinks I'm out of the woods.  If the tumor was going to grow back, it would have come back by now.  One more yearly check in the spring, and then I get to back those down.  So this year I am 51 ... I celebrated by sweeping the back porch that is a mess.  I asked my husband if that could be my present that we fix it up, put some flowers in, buy a rug, change the cushions.  That way I can be outside and enjoy the beautiful view in the backyard and appreciate the wonderful life I have, and the chance that God has given me to live another year.

This is a picture of Sophie today hanging out the car window as we're drivng along ... I think it says it all!!  So thank you for helping me celebrate another year!